Archive for September, 2005

Weird dreams…weird awakenings…

Sunday, September 25th, 2005

So I had this real weird dream this morning, had the gray feeling of mid to late October, suburban streets, big houses… Anyhow I left my BMW running in the road for a minute, while the tech guy from Sum of All Fears was trying to break into James Wood’s house (he was in his role from The Professional) and do something. I can’t remember if he was trying to steal something, trying to find something, etc… But it was on our second trip to the house where I came back outside and found the car was gone. Since it was a dream, I knew the chop shop down the street probably had it. I get there and theres a Mexican and a kid who was the thief who play dumb when I ask about the car… that is until I mention the 850lbs of explosives in the trunk still on an active timer. “Oh damn, thats why it was so slow, Dogg.” So I offer to kill the timer, they give me the keys and we make it out to the car which is already damaged heavily. I get in the driver seat, the theif gets into the passenger seat, and then I proceed to start driving through houses, jump from and through each house and roof until I get to the other side of the block and the passenger ends up laying naked on the ground in a bloody heap.

Then I wake up to the sound of a trailer falling through my yard. Outside my window is a massive cherry-picker truck, the size of a Semi, it was pulling a big red chipper on it which apparently found an old root-cellar that everyone had forgotten about. I saw the truck get yanked to a stop and first thought he either hit the house or my landlord’s truck.

Morning like this kinda reminds me why I don’t go to the club that much anymore.


Saturday, September 24th, 2005

So I’m headed out to Dinner early this evening, when I get to the intersection of Pulaski and Cty 1. The light is green but I see a fire-truck approaching on Cty 1 from the right, so I stop. The idiot in the big brown shitty 1970s era cargo van behind me starts freaking out. Light turns red. He has to hang a right. So I’m waiting, and this dumb son of a bitch pulls out around me on the left, into the other lane, then hangs a right in front of me straight through the red light. Didn’t have emergency lights at all, just his right turn signal on. What a fucktard. I did ok though, in past times I may have torn after him and put in a ton of effort to both relieve my anger as well as point out how much of a tool he was.

So I get into Vernon, and there’s a Passat wagon in front of me. We get up to Vernon Crossing, both ready to turn left, only no… There is a plain old ordinary Ford Explorer 100 yards off. Yep, we better wait. I toot the horn, and the Passat pulls forward a bit only to stop again nearly past the intersection. I say fuck it and hang a left, getting in front of the Explorer who eventually took the turn (and was subject to a yeild sign I might add) and the Passat. Not sure what a Cop would say, but technically the idiot in the Passat missed the intersection… 🙂

Ah fuck it, who cares. Everyone’s an asshole.


Wednesday, September 21st, 2005

Man, I’ve never seen a better justification to not do drugs than Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy. Holy Crap. I’ve seen Traci Lords films that made more sense. Fuck the book, I’m lucky I made it out with my brain!

Cheesy pickup lines…

Wednesday, September 14th, 2005

Was checking through MySpace and after seeing a couple of pics… I thought up a great pickup line, real cheesy, perfect for the Internet generation…

“You make me want to type with one hand.”

I need help. LOL

Something which could have been avoided…

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005

Picture it, Louisiana, 2005. You’re the head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA for the Leftists in my audience), and a hurricane has devastated the Gulf Coast. What do you do? Ah yes, Firefighters! Put out a call to the nation’s firefighters (2,000 to be exact) who are trained in search and rescue!

The firefighters meet up in Atlanta… Days pass… People die… all the while 2,000 firefighters are receiving sensitivity training on sexual harassment and how to deal with ethnic minorities.

After all that nonsense is over… The firefighters aren’t sent to Louisiana or Mississippi… No, they’re at desks in South Carolina filling out paperwork.

No wonder the idiot in charge of FEMA was stripped of his command. We shouldn’t have stopped there. I’d say dangle him in a pool of standing water and bodies by his ankles until he drowns or passes out from the smell.

My friends, this entire nation is drowning. It’s drowning in a sea of Politically Correct bullshit that has yet again cost us innocent lives. Kanye West and other ignorant activists can blame Bush and the racist Government for all the deaths and lack of response… But it wasn’t racism or bigotry which held up the rescuers and killed all those people… It wasn’t racism or bigotry which allowed looting, rapes, murders to occur… It was our noble sense of sensitivity and political correctness. I’m not saying other mistakes were not made, obviously they were. When it comes to saving lives or sensitivity training, pick my honkey ass up off the roof and then go learn to call me Sir.

Firefighters stuck in Ga. awaiting orders


Monday, September 12th, 2005

I’m slowly learning the schedule of local school bussing on my road, so I can hopefully avoid getting stuck behind them as I have consistently been the past week since school started…

As I was pulling out of my driveway this morning, I pulled out in front of a Warwick school bus doing at least 45-50mph in the 40mph zone…and did 35mph until I reached the 55 zone.

It’s the little things in life that really make me smile.

Crap…where’d the weekend go?

Sunday, September 11th, 2005

I think we’ve definitely hit the point of complete reality television saturation. There’s no way to escape it on any channel on the dial. I’ll admit I’ve been sucked in a bit… Surreal Life always has me laughing, and frankly I’d love to see Janice Dickinson fall flat on her face at this point. I don’t see the point of her ego, I’ve checked out some of her photo spreads via Google, and she’s nobody that Cindy Crawford couldn’t still trounce to this day as far as models go. I tell ya, one more lift and tuck, she’ll look like Michael Jackson with his original nose and a pair of tits.

Friday night I’m walking through my apartment around midnight and it happens, WHAM, I managed to catch the leg of my coffee table between my pinky and index toe on my right foot. I’ve smashed my toe before, this time was different, I actually jerked this steel and glass coffee table that weighs a good 60lbs about 3 inches, and the side of my foot and pinky toe began to swell… Pinky toe also hung a 45 degree turn away from the other toes, I figured I broke it, or dislocated it… Wasn’t anything a trifecta of Gin, Cran, and OJ couldn’t fix.

Saturday I hit up the “Eastern Garden” a Japanese/Chinese restaurant with some friends and had some fried tofu with teryaki sauce, was very tasty. Most people gag when the topic of tofu comes up, but if it’s made right it’s actually quite satisfying in a meal. Filled up the VW at the Gulf station, asked for Premium, got a tank of regular, so I slowly made my way over to Advanced Auto Parts for some of that 104 octane boost stuff. Apparently my car can run on regular, but I’d rather not chance it, and frankly the power is pretty addicting. Seemed that the octane boost stuff had a noticeable effect on the acceleration, can’t wait to try it in tandem with a tank of premium. Tell ya, I almost jumped through the damned window at the kid who filled the tank, he must have been so used to pumping $2.99 gas that when I said premium he completely missed it. Still, the guy shoulda been paying fucking attention. What if I needed diesel? Seriously! Glad to see gas coming down in price again, all the gouging and knee-jerk pricing will hopefully come to an end, just the same I think this all should start a serious dialog on the energy policy of this nation. More refineries and drilling in areas that aren’t subject to hurricanes would be a start. Sure, my opinion doesn’t call for new sources, but trust me folks, we will *never* run out of oil. It’ll be too damned expensive eventually to use, thus justifying the use of other technologies. Free-market conquers all.

Speaking of free-market, did the Renniasance Faire thing today after I got an impromptu invite from an old friend, so my girl and I went down to Sterling forest to blow a few hours pay. Besides coming to the realization that the cornering ability on my GTI was probably a result of someone selling their soul… we had a pretty good time. Checked out the Birds of Prey exhibit, I’ll have some pics up soon of that… Tell ya tho, that place was designed for one thing and one thing only, to inhale the money out of ones wallet… Had to scoot early to take care of some work and make my next pie (peach this time).

Had absolutely no idea how juicy the peaches were, as the first slice I cut after the pie was cooled was immediately filled with the caramelized sugar, peach schnapps, and peach juice… I figure I’ll toss it into the freezer, might make it easier to keep in one piece. Was damned good on that Edy’s Slow Churn Vanilla ice cream… I’ll figure out this baking thing at some point.

Simple things… pick up a box, nix a design…

Friday, September 9th, 2005

So I’m driving home from the office today, I decided to take the scenic route for a change… I’m scooting along in the GTI and 3 cars ahead a guy in a Grand Cherokee has come to a complete stop in the lane, hazards on, I have no idea why. So we wait there for a minute as oncoming traffic apparently isn’t concerned with whatever has this guy at a dead stop… he’s apparently trying to get around something… Then a guy in a Chevy S10 stops, gets out of his truck, grabs the 3×3 cardboard box and pitches it off the side of the road. Can’t figure out why the tool in the Jeep couldn’t have done it. I think he figured that out as once the box was clear, he took off like a bat out of hell. Putz.

Past few times I’ve driven past Country Chevy in Warwick, I’ve seen this hideous new truck parked out front. When I mean hideous, I mean it makes the Aztec look like best of show. Take a Dodge Durango, PT Cruiser, and throw them at a Chevy Trailblazer really fucking hard and you get the brand new Chevy HHR. What is it? A front wheel drive SUV with a Chevy Cavalier motor. I can’t find the actual weight of this monstrosity posted anywhere, but I can’t imagine this thing being able to compete with much in its class. I tell ya, I really hope that Chevy learns its lesson this time. It seems like all the manufacturers are beating their lines with the ugly stick. Dodge has the new Durango, VW has the new everything, and Chevy has the HHR. Glad I got mine when I did.

Troops and Tools…

Wednesday, September 7th, 2005

With the stack of laundry overflowing from my hamper this week, I finally got around to going to the Laundromat. Now normally I’d just drop it off at either the Warwick or Goshen Laundromat for their wash and fold service… That started to add up as if I did it myself, it took no more than an hour to complete and cost less than half. So before I hit the Laundromat I stopped at the local coffee shop and got struck with one of those “Wow” moments. I walk up to the counter and immediately notice a US Army soldier making himself a coffee. He goes to get his money out and I tell him, don’t worry about it, I have this one. Then another counter person comes up to him and I say “I got it, don’t worry about it.” So that’s that, then when he thanks me I have this “Holy SHIT” moment. The soldier was a guy I knew years ago, actually was this scrawny little punk… Now he’s jacked, wearing fatigues, and apparently getting ready to go to Louisiana with his National Guard unit after the rest of them return from Iraq. It totally blew me away how the people I never think twice about end up doing such great things. I wouldn’t want to be in Iraq unless I had to, and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be in Louisiana unless I had to. The fact this guy signed up to go these places without question, for his country, is why I am proud of each and every individual who wears the uniform.

So on my way home from the Laundromat I pass a local landmark known as “Pulpit Rock.” Now why it’s called that I don’t know, but essentially it is a humongous glacial boulder with a tree growing near it, in the middle of a vast green field. It’s a sight to behold really, but I digress. A few years back the local library which is far too small for the town of Warwick wanted to build their new location on the site where Pulpit Rock is located. There was a big stink by locals (many of which were people who either didn’t use the library or haven’t lived here more than a few years) who knee-jerked into protest. So eventually the Library gave up on moving, and continues to be jam packed in a small historic house in the center of town. I’m driving past the site today, and across the street is a big sign proudly announcing that there will be a new planned community of exquisite homes there.

So let me get this straight. We can’t build a Library, a bastion of education, knowledge, and wisdom… but across the street we can drop in a couple hundred more residents in huge barn-like cookie cutter homes. What a bunch of fucking hypocrites.

Speaking of hypocrites, the street this development will be built on, West St, has been the center of attention lately in regard to speeding. Apparently local residents have complained that the road has become a speedway. Well let me tell you folks something, I was driving down West St yesterday when a common occurrence took place… an SUV shot out of a side street, cut me off, and immediately accelerated to 40mph in the 30mph zone. Here’s the real kicker. I’m behind him on West, I’m behind him on Oakland, I’m behind him into the bank where he pulls away and I go where I was headed originally, the ATM. We end up leaving the bank lot at the same time, apparently they were closed for what he needed to do… as we leave I’m on the left side left turn part of the exit, he’s on the opposite, AND THE DIPSHIT TRIES TO CUT ME OFF AGAIN. Reminds me of a road down in Glenwood, NJ… Everyone who lives on it tailgates. I could do 30mph through Glenwood, past all the signs pleading with drivers to slow down, past the automated radar stanchion which is occasionally erected in the beach parking lot, all the while there is some dumb son of a bitch with Jersey plates who lives on that stretch of road, tailgating me.

Now remember, you must drive carefully because right now is the time when overloaded farm trucks full of little hellspawn more than double the commute time of any unfortunate soul who unluckily ends up behind them. So not only has my commute time and routine been completely destroyed by these things, as I drive along I see parents eagerly waiting at the end of driveways in SUV’s for their offspring to return home…so they can drive them back up the driveway.

What the fuck? I don’t want to sound like a broken record here, but I never had any problem walking to and from my bus stop when I was a kid, despite weather and bullies. Now kids get to sit in the family Navigator for the whopping 10 foot trip up the hill. No wonder so many kids these days are overweight and lazy. Maybe if they had to actually walk to and from their stop, they just might get some exercise for more than their thumbs.

Natural Gas, FYI

Tuesday, September 6th, 2005

Yes folks, hate to disappoint, but to anyone who happens to believe that Natural Gas comes from Crude Oil…

Sit back and be educated, courtesy of the University of Colorado.

Ah…these things make me chuckle.