Fear.

Never quite felt this way… I’ve had car accidents before, but I don’t think any were quite as violent as this one. I’ve spent far too much replaying in my head what happened. Every time, the car swerves left, the car swerves right, the car belts the pole and 180 degrees later I’m at a dead stop.

The Trooper had it right… Had someone else been in the oncoming lane, I could have killed them.

I consider myself a safe driver, but this time I failed. I failed so bad it’ll cost at least $6500 now, increased rates, and a possible fine to remind me. On top of that though, the one thing which in addition to my sore aching back has kept me out of work the past three days… has been the fear.

I’m afraid. I went out to lunch with a friend on Thursday, they drove of course, and I was terrified. I made up a story about an overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom just so I could get out of the car and be back in my house.

I haven’t left the house since, and I don’t know if I will for the balance of the weekend.

I know I’ll have to go to work next week, no more injuries to keep me down. Still, getting into another car is going to scare the shit out of me. 2 weeks from now I’ll likely have the VW back, and even then I’m not quite certain I’ll want to drive it.

I’d like to think I have control over my life. Do things my way, and no other… After this it seems everything else is just shaky as Hell.

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