Archive for November, 2006

Clerks II… Eh…

Thursday, November 30th, 2006

I’m a Kevin Smith fan. Now I don’t worship the ground the guy walks on, but I’ve got a copy of each of his films… They’re funny as fuck, completely irreverant, and I’m always asking myself “What the fuck could he possibly do next?”

So when Clerks II came out I missed it in theaters… I finally pick up a copy and well. Can I give it back?

Sure, it’s funny. I laughed my ass off many times during the film… Still at the credits I could only think… “is that it?”

Maybe it’s just that I never quite connected with the whole Clerks saga, but I just think the whole thing was too damned predictable. Ooh, cameos. Ooh, racial humor. Ooh, religious humor. Ooh, boobs. Sure, they pushed the envelope, but I kinda think they pushed it the wrong way.

Still, Smith says he’s proudest of this film of all of them, and to that end, he did an outstanding job. No great artist is ever truly understood and I think Kevin Smith fits in there. While Clerks II didn’t completely mesh with me like his previous efforts, I’m sure there are plenty of fans out there who were satisfied with the flick.

Personally, I’m just waiting to see what he does next.

Just call me DOORMAT.

Wednesday, November 29th, 2006

I’m sick of these people who claim to be friends then forget I exist when they get in a relationship. FOUR TIMES in the past 2 months, people who claimed to be my friend have decided to walk over me. Is there some unwritten law that says “ditch your friends when they’re no longer convenient?” It’s not even just women, it’s guy friends too.

Sure, there’s always a point when people start dating where they pretty much ditch all their friends, I guess I just managed to catch 4 single people at once. I must be incorrectly wired somehow, as regardless of my relationship status I DON’T FORGET THE PEOPLE WHO WERE AROUND BEFOREHAND AND CONTINUE TO MAKE TIME FOR AND INCLUDE THEM IN MY LIFE.

I’m sick of the pattern. From this point on, I’m only making friends with people in relationships. If you’re single, male or female, go get laid before you decide to talk to me… otherwise you’re just a fucking waste of my time.

A safe sex campaign that may work…

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

Michael Richards and the Chopper Bunch

Monday, November 27th, 2006

So I finally wasted a good 3 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back watching Michael Richard’s career burst into flames on Google Video. Now he’s been on the apology circuit for a good week or two now since the meltdown hit the airwaves, culminating in a ridiculous interview with Jesse Jackson. Honestly? I think the whole thing was staged.

The guy hasn’t done anything original or entertaining since UHF, so we’re talking nearly 20 years of a downward spiral in the entertainment industry. With Seinfeld Season 7 coming out, Seinfeld and Larry David’s continued success, and the memories of Kramer still over-ruling the superior performance of Stanley Spidowski in UHF- he called in a favor.

Someone told him to flip out on an audience at one of his standup gigs, toss out some racist terms which are totally outside his usual character – then he’d be put on the apology circuit for free publicity… plain and simple. Only thing is – as clearly demonstrated by how Richards handled the situation and legitimately got SCARED – he has no talent.

How do I know it’s staged? Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson is hated in Hollywood due to his religious and political beliefs. Prior to his outburst at a pair of CHP’s every interview included a mention of his father’s distasteful beliefs – so any opportunity to bury him under a pile of media nonsense was exploited. His transgressions against the politically correct received MUCH more coverage than the apology.

All in all, this ploy will fail, Richards will continue to be a talentless hack destined to play the role of the village idiot better than any other actor – because he’s not acting. I’ve wasted enough time on this story – NEXT.

Thanksgiving Eve 2006

Thursday, November 23rd, 2006

The Thanksgiving Eve 2006 gettogether was a resounding success once again for our 3rd venture out to the Macaroni Grill in Wayne, NJ. Everyone still managed to get me with the birthday prank AGAIN, but hey, free chocolate cake? Won’t see me complain!

Under the “Continue Reading” link below are the pictures I took. I’ve cropped them and lowered their resolution to cut the size as well as speed up download time. If you plan on printing any of them out, LET ME KNOW, as I can provide you with the original hi-resolution photos.

Canadian Porn

Monday, November 20th, 2006

A Socialist health system obviously doesn’t cover breast implants… If I have to watch one more flat chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni I’m going to carve my own eyes oot.

You might get WHAT?

Monday, November 20th, 2006

You might get AIDS!

I’ve gotta be hearing this wrong, but anyone who has seen the television ad for the new Uno Attack game, there’s a line in the jingle that litterally sounds like “You might get no cards! You might get AIIIIIIDS!”

I’ve seen the ad 3 times, this 3rd time I paid attention, and they’re not saying Eights, they’re saying AIDS.

AIDS from a card game? See if I pay $10 for that.


Sunday, November 19th, 2006


Now every time Jimmie Johson is introduced, it will be as the 2006 Nextel Cup Champion!



Go 48!

Saturday, November 18th, 2006


Back in 2000 when Dodge rejoined the Nascar series, I feigned interest in the sport. Sure, it was cool… Fast racing, but short of rooting for my favorite manufacturer, I didn’t care too much.

Fast forward a couple years… Friend of mine gets me into Nascar in a big way, her hero becomes mine – that being Jimmie Johnson in the #48 Lowe’s Chevrolet. Over the past few years I’ve rarely missed a race, especially now in HD.

Now Johnson is a calculating driver. Time and again I’ll see him hang back a majority of the race, keep clean, and take the checkered flag when it matters. Quite a few of those runs have been exciting to the point I’m sitting on the edge of my couch or jumping up and down, screaming at the set, egging him on like he can actually hear me.

He’s also a clean driver, he won’t wreck another driver to win, he won’t play the usual games seen in other circles, and I like that quite a bit. While it means less coverage, it also means that at the end of the day the nearest Ford and Dodge will likely be seeing his vinyl taillights. Several times in recent history I’ve seen other drivers try to take him out, some even succeeded. Teammates (Vickers… WAD) aside, the 48 almost always finishes well as long as it isn’t caught up in someone else’s mess.

So the past few years he’s come close to winning the championship, never closer than this year. 63 points ahead of Matt Kenseth, he needs to finish in at least 12th place to take it. Don’t know about you, but tomorrow at 3pm, I’ll be rooting for the #48. Good luck Jimmie.

Casino Royale

Saturday, November 18th, 2006

I’d have to believe that when news came out that Pierce Brosnan was out as the timeless James Bond, and replaced by a blond-haired blue-eyed actor that nobody (in the USA) quite knew of… It was the shock heard round the world. That said, I must admit that by far, Casino Royale is the best James Bond film yet, and Daniel Craig is set to unseat even the mighty Sean Connery.

Now I get what you’re thinking, what about Brosnan? He was a symbol of perfection for the old Bond. Beyond the supreme ass-kicking he took in Die Another day, there was no more room for character development. Don’t get me wrong, Brosnan filled the role very well, but he filled the same role that both Sean Connery and even Roger Moore had done. The modern Bond was a dead-end. How many times have you seen Bond win at the Casino? Now you get to see him lose… for a little while.

Daniel Craig is the square peg that needed to be hammered into the round role to bring some life, some action, hell – some unpredictable entertainment to the story. Casino Royale places you in the James Bond timeline before Lazenby, Connery, Moore, Dalton, Brosnan – this is Bond’s first mission. As the movie starts, he is not even a 00 level agent. Take away all the refinement of the latest iterations, Craig’s Bond is rough, blunt, and violent at a level that would make Timothy Dalton quit the role… oh wait… Sure, we’ve seen Bond captured and beaten, as in Die Another Day, but while the execution of the torture scenes in Die Another Day neat and refined, like an art film, in Casino Royale the torture is live, brash, and brutal.

Bond is definitely in there, but this is a scrapper – a man with sharp wit, the ability to kill without hesitation, and cunning to pull it off in the end… He possesses a naïve recklessness that down the line is buried beneath layers of proven tactics and experience. In short, it’s refreshing as hell. Still, the look really sells it. You see Craig and immediately assume a lack of refinement, surgical wit and lethality. Seeing this man in a tuxedo is almost laughable. While you’d be partly right in the assumptions, the moments where those very traits are triggered and executed are mind-blowing. He might be fresh, but never underestimate this Bond. Underestimation is equivalent to death in his world. Where the modern bond would hatch a complex plan, Craig’s bond accomplishes the plan with a bullet – simple, lethal, and perfect.

I’ll say it again, this is the best Bond film ever made to date. Daniel Craig? Nails the role. From the opening scene until the end credits, this film is action packed, with the only slow points left as fuses for the next big explosion. A breath of fresh gasoline into the genre and the storyline, I can only look forward to the 22nd installment of the Bond films with Daniel Craig at the helm. Good show!