Do your neighbor a favor… Shoot a deer.

As it is hunting season, I hear the environmentalist wacko masses rise to their feet with inane opposition yet again. It’s a tradition here at that I reminisce over the verbal evisceration and defeat of an environmentalist nimrod up in Highland Falls, NY a few years back.

Dear Scott, I can see how you don’t want the innocent fuzzy deer to be killed by camouflaged gunman, and I agree with you. Personally I prefer it when these anomalies of the food chain jump out in front of my brand new car and send it to the body shop for nearly $3,000 worth of repairs. My girlfriend also agrees, after all her automobile has made it to the body shop for 3 consecutive years with the same amount of repairs required. I find great pride in the fact that through our combined efforts and over $12,000 in the past 3 years we have spared the lives of 4 noble creatures from those mean recreational hunters who would never think to eat what they kill or donate the meat to organizations that feed the poor and homeless. As long as the deer and bear population is allowed to run unchecked even further, you can be assured that myself and hundreds if not thousands of other motorists in the tri-state area will do our best to spare Rudolph’s cousins the pain of death by hunting.

Now old Scott retaliated by excoriating my lack of knowledge on the topic I clearly demonstrated. Typical response by an extremist to undeniable truth… ATTACK! I was ignorant, I didn’t know the facts, I didn’t know anything about hunting, I’m running scared like the rest of the hunters… I sent a follow-up response to his argument which was ignored by the newspaper (maybe it was due to the facts I was spouting off the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation website).

Dear Scott, you provided a very well thought out and mature response to my ‘stance’ when it comes to hunting. Again, I find myself agreeing with you that hunting mismanagement is probably a causal factor of the burgeoning deer population. Spurred by your quest for the truth, I took a trip to the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation website and have seen the light. The number of deer takes by hunters on average has been steadily increasing over the past 7 years, alongside the number of Deer Management Permits issued. Another statistic off the website shows that the number of deer-car collisions has steadily been dropping in the same time-frame! Despite the efforts of me, my girlfriend, and our cars, the hunters are still killing more innocent deer every year! While I am not a hunter, nor do I know much about hunting, I personally would like to thank you for encouraging me to seek out the facts and truth on this very sensitive issue. Obviously my proposed alternative to recreational hunting simply isn’t doing enough to stop the hunters, and like deer I don’t believe they’ll be running scared from my sub-compact sedan any time soon.

So the deer population is out of control, the more that are killed each year by hunters result in a lower number of deer-car collisions each year. Wacko environmentalists like that guy will gladly propose spending thousands of dollars per deer to neuter the animals where a slug that costs less than a dollar will accomplish the same thing, and feed the hungry.

I think I’ll make some venison chili this week. Yum! Now if anyone happens to have a copy of either Warwick Advertiser with Scott’s letters in them, I’d be GREATLY appreciative if you could provide me with the text of his letters.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *