Forward MARCH

I haven’t just chatted about me lately.  Sure, plenty of updates about my current projects, and of course some politics, but generally – I tend to skip me because there are only a few close friends who know more than 50% and I’d like to keep it that way.

I’m currently in my usual state of flux.  Working a job that doesn’t satisfy me, living in a town that doesn’t identify with me, and generally repeating the same old song and dance while trying to avoid the low bridge I keep slamming my head into.

Luckily/unluckily, for the past 2 months I’ve pretty much put my house hunt and everything else on hold while I work to get my truck back on the road.

I want to leave this area, completely, and only look back when it involves a family gathering or the special few who honor me every day with their friendship.  Over the years I’ve considered moving to England where I have family that might provide a roof for a short time, San Diego, CA which I completely adore, but would find myself alone, and Vermont – where again I would be alone but the environment and people are so beautiful that I really wouldn’t care.

In short, I’m looking at Vermont, seriously right now.  I’m mainly familiar with Northern VT, Burlington, and the other surrounding areas.  The cost of living is less, the people are friendly, and there is room for me to carve out a little niche to spread my wings.

I just feel trapped here.  Stuck in old habits, running in circles.  A week of vacation now and again simply doesn’t cut it.  It’s almost like everything that is familiar to me is poison to me, holding me back from really finding a home where I can grow.  I need real positive change in my life and I simply do not believe that it can be found in the tri-state area.

This past week I was called to Jury duty for a murder trial, but was excused.  As interesting as it was to me, the whole process of so called ‘justice,’ I discovered that I met the victim – a restaurant owner, and that any chance of providing impartial judgment went out the window when I remembered him.  I just hope that “justice” does prevail, and the killer finds a needle in his arm.

Is it just me or is everything just becoming more short tempered and violent?  I was watching the news the other day (a mistake, I know) and saw that the murder rate in Middletown, NY is out of control.  People are killing each other and likely getting away with it.  On the road, everyone is in a rush.  Just this morning I saw an SUV driver try to pass a tractor trailer in heavy fog, in a no passing zone…  Nobody has any appreciation for life anymore.

When I used to drive my truck, before the engine blew up and I proceeded to take the entire thing apart and restore it… I enjoyed just lazily driving from point A to point B.  No rush, taking in the scenery, the air, and knowing that wherever I am going is not going anywhere.  Who knows, maybe that’ll be my vice again once its on the road, I’ve always had an abnormal connection with my vehicles.  Still, I don’t think patience, peace, or sanity can be found around here.

So who knows, in the next few weeks, I may just pack up my tent and trudge north.  Either way, something has to change because I’m seriously exhausted by the status quo.  Where I am is sucking the life out of me.  People are sucking the life out of me.  My job is sucking the life out of me.  I can’t fix just one thing and expect everything to change for the better.  Everything needs to change.

I want my life back, and I’d rather get it back now before another 30 years pass and I’m still bitching about Warwick.

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