Watchmen… And you will. A big blue man. And his… little blue man.

There should be a law, listen to me – starting to sound like an old man here. At least, there should be an industry standard, in the film industry, that gives some perks to a movie-goer who sits through a near 3 hour long turkey like the movie Watchmen.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy movie-theatre-ass as much as the next guy, but when the only stand-outs from a 2 hour and 45 minute social commentary circa 1986 are a glowing blue penis and the fact I saw the full trailer for Terminator Salvation… I’d rather have waited for the DVD from Netflix.

From the start, the film was SLOW. I seriously considered sneaking out and checking out the latest mall cop movie (and don’t worry, the team that brought you Knocked Up is working on another one of those) after about 20 minutes… but I sat through. What followed was an obnoxious amount of blue penis, peacenik and superhero persecution, and the punch line – that humans are doomed and can only unite under a shared state of misery.

I’ll still pick up the comic now that I’ve seen the movie, but where V for Vendetta was updated to use a misguided commentary on current events – Watchment depended on an alternate reality, wrapped in the cold war, where there really is no middle ground – only extremes… and those extremes? Are just plain dumb. Nixon for 5 terms? Peaceniks executed en mass? Electric cars on the streets after world peace breaks out on the backs of mass murder? Come on, I’d need to suspend a pulse let alone disbelief to truly enjoy this crap.

All in all, Watchmen’s underlying plot made about as much real sense as the one from the V for Vendetta movie, but wasn’t nearly as entertaining.

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