Everyone gets annoyed. For some time now I have considered setting up a master list of everything that annoys me – in the hope that once I list it here and share it with all of you, it won’t bother me as much. I will constantly update this list, and it will always be accessible by clicking the “Annoyances” category on the menu.
1. Slobs. I’m not exactly the neatest person out there, but when it comes to common area like a company break room or bathroom – clean up after yourselves.
2. Road hogs. You know, those idiots who will cut you off only to drive slower than you or simply pull off 20 feet down the road?
3. Product security. All it takes is a magnet to steal music, movies, or video games. That’s right – a magnet will disable the RFID tag – it’s what they use at the checkout after all. There’s no point to add those plastic strips which take 10 minuets to peel off and usually end up damaging the case.
4. Outsourced support. I don’t mind it if I can understand what they are saying, but if the accent is so thick that my problem doesn’t get solved until I finally get transferred to someone I can understand – you’re not saving money.
5. Lazy support. When I call for help I expect you answer my question – don’t transfer me or pass the buck – it only wastes my time and adds to my level of regret for using YOUR product.
6. Married flirts. Why is it that when a woman gets married she finds it ok to be flirt? I’m sure married men are just as guilty, but they aren’t the ones flirting with me. Don’t get married if you still want to play the game.
7. Anyone who lines up single file at a 3 register checkout. If they wanted a single queue, they’d set up those annoying little pedestals with the ropes. Don’t get all huffy when I just walk up either, it’s not my fault the concept is beyond you.
8. Exaggeration. Give it to me straight, all exaggerating does is distract from your point – not emphasize it.
9. Pick a penny at the checkout. Yeah I’ve used them too, but it’s just an excuse for the average consumer to not carry exact change. Either use your debit card or bring exact change, have some self respect!
10. Tip jars. The only people who deserve tips are wait staff. They get paid below minimum wage legally because they make up or exceed the difference with tips. Everyone else makes at least minimum – if they depend on tips they should get a different jobs.
11. SUV’s. Just what the world needed, a way to make pickup trucks appealing to yuppies. Mass transport of offspring was safely perfected in the 80’s with the minivan.
12. SUV haters. Gas is expensive because lack domestic production and refinement of oil – plus the Government taxes the product at every opportunity. Drivers will be obnoxious and retarded regardless of what they drive. Gray Pupon anyone?
13. Cell-phone users. I don’t mind if you use your phone, but the microphones used on modern cellphones are more sensitive than the ones used to bust Nixon’s staff back in the 70’s. In other words… DON’T SHOUT.
14. Cell-phone haters. Some people enjoy being connected, so what? If someone already drives like a retard and is easily distracted – a cell-phone isn’t the cause of their driving habits or worthy of hundreds of dollars of fines.
15. Hybrid cars. Two worlds, Rudolph Diesel.
16. Me too’s. Think for yourself, come up with an idea already. I can understand the desire to just tag along but if you do – don’t bitch about it after the fact. It’s annoying.
17. Key bowls at a party. If you actually need to turn over your car keys at a party to prevent you from driving drunk, you shouldn’t be drinking – or driving. You’re an idiot.
18. Smokers. Yes, tobacco is legal and you are the willing addicts sending even more money into the Government faster than they can spend it. Yes, you are becoming more limited in where you can light up with each passing day – from the restaurant, to the bar, to your very own car. If enough of you got together and either spoke up or quit – you’d probably still be able to smoke at your desk, or the tobacco companies and the jerks in office who cash in on their product would be out of jobs.
19. Non-smokers. Look, I grew up in a smoking household. I smoked for about 5 years straight, a pack a day. Even now I might light up a smoke once every few months. I know it doesn’t smell nice to most, hell, my girlfriend is allergic to the smoke… just the same, stop whining. You might enjoy the ability to avoid smoke just about everywhere at this point, but don’t expect the trend to last long. Government will not regulate them past the point of turning a profit, when they can’t, they’ll turn on you and the rest of us will be happily smoking our cigarettes in a casket while laughing as the COPD kills us.
20. Parents who drive their kids to the bus stop. Now I don’t have a problem with a parent walking a young kid to the stop, or hanging out until the bus comes. Parents should have more involvement in their kids lives at every level. That said, nothing infuriates me more when I see everyone happily hanging out in the Escalade at the end of a driveway waiting for the bus to come. Protect, but don’t coddle. Coddled kids do drugs, get VD’s and eventually unload on their high school classmates with automatic weapons.
21. School administrators. Yes, all of them. The age of zero tolerance and buck passing has reached a climax that could only be surpassed in an internment camp. Sure, I know they’re afraid of being sued, but if they can’t make a decision then they shouldn’t be in MANAGEMENT.
22. Bicyclists who hog the road or ride against traffic. I rode a bike for years until a near death experience put my bipedal transportation habit on indefinite hiatus. That said, even without getting hit by a car I have respect for most cyclists. It doesn’t take much to keep to the shoulder, don’t ride out in the lane like you weigh 3500lbs, especially when there’s a car coming. Also, don’t ride against traffic, that’s just stupid.
23. Motorcyclists who think they’re in a game. Yes, I know you have a really fast bike – and I don’t care. If you come up on my car at double the speed limit you might as well be driving up on a wall because I’m not going to move no matter how close you get. I’ve got family members who ride… if I saw them pull this shit I’d beat the snot out of them.
24. Sysadmins who don’t document their procedures COMPLETELY.
25. Drivers who will swerve for a dead cat but hit a live one.
26. People who will walk into my office while I am obviously eating lunch, and ask me something requiring a response greater than yes/no. I’m sorry, is my lunch interrupting your work?
27. Impatience. If the girl at the register is taking too long, don’t start bitching or make huffy noises – just wait it out like the rest of us or fucking leave. Either the store will replace her with someone more efficient or get her some backup if its a consistent problem. Businesses aren’t there to lose money.
28. Anyone who actually races someone to the checkout or register. Is there a point to walking past me to the same register? Yes, you may end up leaving the store 5 seconds before I do – but you also may walk straight up to a closed register as I take the time to notice it and pick an open line.
29. Anyone who races another consumer in a supermarket. Ever walk past someone just as they start to move, and they speed up to get past you? Is there a point? I’ve lost count of how many people whose carts have accidentally slammed into an end-cap for pulling this ridiculous shit with me.
30. When I’m standing inside a business waiting for something, say my lunch – and someone walks in and without looking stands within an inch of my face. Best part is, they just expect me to move. No ‘pardon me’ or ‘excuse me,’ they just stand right on top of me. ANNOYING.
… more to come…
