Duke Nukem Forever = WIN

I haven’t read any of the reviews on this game yet, but on release day I picked it up from Steam for $50.  Setting aside the 12 year long drama that took place to release this title – a sequel to Duke Nukem 3D – I like it.

See, I’m tired of the FPS genre altogether.  To get me to play one for more than 20 minutes is an accomplishment, and DNF does that in droves.  It’s lude, crude, irreverent, and could probably make Joe Lieberman’s hemorrhoids flare up like Fat Man over Nagasaki.  Foul language, naked women, blood and guts, pop culture and the endless wit of Duke Nukem rapidly bring me back to the days of repeatedly handing a virtual stripper some digital cash to “shake it baby.”

Have no doubt, Duke is back to chew bubble gum and kick ass.  From the moment the game fires up, you’re hurtled into a battle with a massive boss in a decimated football stadium and it doesn’t slow down from there.  The enemies are challenging, the puzzles are simple yet fun, and it definitely “ups the ante” as far as the modern FPS is concerned.  The game consists of several acts, each consisting of various missions leading up to a major boss battle that generally involves figuring out how to hurt the boss, then hammering the crap out of them while trying to avoid being killed.

No tromping around for hours through dark corridors to solve a mystery, or spending most of your time walking and searching instead of killing – this is a classic FPS along the lines of Serious Sam or Bulletstorm.  Kill or be killed, while enjoying the ample C and D cup scenery.  The best analogy I can come up with for DNF is that it’s like Metallica took a break after the black album, and 12 years later dropped Death Magnetic on our heads without the rampant douchebaggery of blood soaked semen album covers ,the post rehab oil-drum symphony that was St.Anger, or Lars Ulrich’s one man stand against the .  Duke 3D raised eyebrows, pissed off the censors, then came back after a long and drawn out break to raise the bar yet again on just what is possible with a FPS when the developer really doesn’t give a shit what people say beyond providing a GAME that’s actually worth $50!

Ignore the pundits and reviews, try it out – you won’t be disappointed unless you’re a twat.

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