Spiderman 3 [**—]

Can I have my $9 back? I’d like to put it towards renting this movie – I’ll even volunteer to have the entire experience erased from my memory.

Now don’t get me wrong, Spiderman 3 wasn’t a colossal blunder in as much as one can define a rambling and overly predictable plot and characters that are repeatedly outperformed by the non-special effects that engulfed the film as a blunder.

Picking up where Spiderman 2 left off, we get a rosey picture of life as Peter Parker. Then things go to hell. But then his buddy Harry Osborn comes back. But then things go to hell. So Parker embraces the Venom suit. Then things go to hell. Then Eddie Brock embraces the Venom suit. Then things go to hell.

Catching a pattern yet? Heroes and antiheroes trading places at break-neck speed all towards a wild climax and tear-filled sob story ending. Spiderman 1 was great. Spiderman 2 was OK. Spiderman 3 is the Batman and Robin of the Marvel universe. I will say that Bryce Dallas Howard almost made the movie redeemable until she walked out of the storyline thanks to Peter Parker’s black suit.

Spiderman 3 is crap. Nonspecial effects, weak and rambling plot, and extremely poor use of characters. That – and whoever decided Eddie Brock should act like Eric Foreman should be on a chow line. I want my $9 back.

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