As I woke up this morning, images started flashing through my mind. The previous day, I had asked God to reveal sin in me that I wasn’t aware of, or was willfully ignoring. Boy, did He ever answer that prayer.
When I was born again, my sins were washed clean in the blood of the lamb. 100% forgiven. Whatever stupid thing I did in my previous life was forgiven. They were absolutely forgiven, but not forgotten. They were a part of who I was (emphasis on past tense here).
Now any time I was hungry, angry, lonely, or tired – the enemy would pick one or more of these memories out of the pile, one of these sins, and throw it right back in my life. DO YOU SEE THIS? DO YOU SEE HOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL? YOU DON’T DESERVE SALVATION.
The problem I discovered just today through God’s grace, is that I was holding on to those memories, to those sins. I kept them tucked away like keepsakes, and any time I felt a certain way I’d drag them out to get a quick sin fix. It’s forgiven, right? What’s wrong with that?
Everything.
Here I am on my way to the promised land, but there I go longing for Egypt again. Embracing the momentary, the fleeting rush and pleasure that sin provides while ignoring that I was a slave to it. My sin was covetousness. I coveted those sins like a memento.
The Holy Spirit was loud within me this morning. Every time I tried to shut down the line of thought myself it brought more up to the surface. Only when I turned to God, asked forgiveness for my covetousness, and that He take those thoughts captive did the seas calm.
I’m actually eager to see what He will find next in me. I can be oblivious at times, and that is when I need His light to shine on the darkness in me so we can remove it together.
And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”
Luke 12:15 NKJV
Thank you, Jesus.
