What is going on with me?

For those of you who don’t know, I work at an Internet Provider and provide technical support. Recently, a surge of new customers onto the Net has made my job rather…stressful. Solving the same things over and over again can become rather tedious, and hey, I’m human, I need some dynamics to this ‘ol life. Well when I cried out for something new, I got what I wanted. 1 month tomarrow, I will have been separated from my steady girlfriend of 3 years for a month. Our relationship ended months ago, it only took me 6 months to realize it was over. They say that high-school sweethearts never work out, well I
guess “they” were right. I learned a lot though. I learned that no matter how much effort and love you put into a relationship, you can’t make the other person love you. For 6 months I kept flogging a dead horse praying that it might spring back to life. I lost. So I’m moving on, getting used to this “single” thing. Spending 3 years with someone you would think it’d be hard to get over. You’d think I would beg for pity from everybody. No, not me. I learned early on something interesting about pity. The more pity you get, the more pitiful you become, and I can’t let myself sink that far. So I found solace in my car, in my music, and in my computer here. None of it was quite the same as before. I wrote her once, even visited. I thought she was cold to me before, wow, I got frostbite being that close to her again. It is over, I can’t expect anything from 3 years of love and respect… That is the funny thing about relationships, all too often they turn into a situation where one person falls out of love with their boy/girlfriend and doesn’t give them the decency, the respect, to tell them it is over. Only months later did I finally break down, throw my hands up to the sky and give up. She never appreciated how hard I worked to keep it
alive…Never appreciated how much I cared. It didn’t mean a thing. I won’t say I never made mistakes, but I never went out of my way to hurt her…while she only
spit on me. So I’m single, the first time in 3 years I am alone and strangely comfortable…but strangely empty inside. I guess that is one of the side effects of having your heart torn out. So I sit here, with my new personal guidelines…No love, No relationships, no caring about anybody in that way ever again. Another thing I learned…If you give up on love it only finds you faster. I gave up on it 3 years ago, and spent 2 and a half years enjoying every minute of it. When I left her, I thought I would die…Once I realized what I no longer had, I felt so much stronger…hence the rules, as to keep myself from opening up and becoming weak again. Well I tried the simple fling setup, it isn’t me. Me swinging is like Jerry Springer doing a show that didn’t involve transvestites. Turns out I met someone,
after flatly giving up on love, relationships, and caring…and I’ll be damned if it isn’t happening all over again. I can’t type how scared I am at this, actually feeling this way about another person… So, Mermaid, I love you man. THAT IS A JOKE. Just wanted to make my friend piss himself after reading this sappy rant. I was just kidding man, breathe now. Actually I have met someone, and I am so confused, so unsure of everything I gave up on coming back to get me, and I am loving every minute of it.

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