Another year, another yawn.

Ah yes, Applefest. That wonderful time of year when Warwick pulls out all the stops and whores itself out to 40,000 clueless automatons in search for the meaning of life…

Not to confuse the meaning of life with apples, overpriced gifts, hastily prepared fried foods and porta-johns.

For starters, parking. In the however many years that have passed since Warwick started this, parking has never improved. Never mind using some of the available open-space in order to keep our streets clear for actual residents…that might get in the way of home-building. Next year they should ban parking in the town except for residents, and force visitors to park in one of the many open fields on the way into town. That way little things like a mullet-bearing hick in a Lumina screaming at some “dumb mother-effer” around a bunch of kids could be avoided.

Strollers should be banned. Next year I’m bringing one. I have no kids mind you, and not everyone does it, but most of the people there with strollers use them as battering rams to cut through crowds. I’m seriously going to bring one. I’ve had it with being brushed aside by some moron and his offspring.

Stopped at the thrift shop. I’ve got a big box of dishes, glasses, tableware, and cooking utensils that I wanted to donate, so I asked about it. “Oh I really don’t want any of that.” Mind you half the store is full of shoddy clothing, the other with shelves that are maybe 1/10th full. I’ll likely drop it off at the local migrant center “The Alamo.” Apparently they’re not as picky (stuck up). No wonder the youth of America has such a piss poor work ethic. They could learn something from the migrants.

On my way home from the events, I ran into my favorite type of driver… The Subaru driver. Ah yes, the “beauty of all wheel drive.” Subaru drivers definitely trump VW drivers when it comes to asphalt morons. We’re putting along in a line of traffic, and this idiot in an Outback is tailgating a Tahoe. Finally on a curve, he pulls out and passes the guy (double-yellow). Then catches up to the next in line, an Escort and tailgates them straight into Pine Island, unable to pass in an actual passing zone. So I get into Pine Island, both are gone. I don’t think twice about it until I get to the intersection, hang a right, and see the Subaru popping out by the school. Guy tried to get ahead of traffic by skipping the intersection.

Well we just can’t have that! I catch up to, and pass the guy despite a feeble attempt to out-accelerate me. I then stay comfortably behind the Ford (yes, he still ended up behind the same Ford) and we happily putt along at 40mph. Then, the gem of the entire maneuver, at the end of the 40mph zone, I slow down and turn around in a dirt lot. Guy in the Subaru didn’t try to tailgate me, and he didn’t make any effort to pass the Ford after that one.

Illustrating absurdity by being absurd. 🙂

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