Just don’t get it…

Must have been nearly 6 years ago now when I met someone I assumed was the one for me. I had dated them for about two and a half years before things fell apart and we went our separate ways. People tell me it’s not a problem to care about others, and I’m sure that for them, it is true. However when I care for someone, there’s no half-caring, when I care for someone they become a part of me… When I stop, if I can, a part is torn away.

In any event… it took almost 2 years of pain, torment, and denial before I finally had the confrontation that free’d me from my binds and let me love again. Since then, I’ve been happily dating a wonderful girl, and have been in love.

Confrontation tends to bring everything out into the open, in my case it allowed me to shrug off everything I had carried to my detriment for nearly 2 years.

I find myself conflicted, hurt, and in a position where my only option seems to be that I have to let go. But therein lies the rub. The cliche’ is, if you love someone enough, let them go. To that end, I have. I’m far beyond where I thought there was anything capable of being redeemed. Then comes the regret of a friend who is watching someone they care about behave in a way which is wholly self-destructive.

There just seems to be this ruling attitude these days that I am supposed to support my friends whether they’re being smart or stupid. Sure, in the past trying to guide someone, help them avoid a bad path has come back to bite me. But do I let the fact I did the right thing and failed force me into apathy? What kind of friend would that make me?

Then the real question is… am I really a friend at all?

I’ve gotten back into the habit of cracking jokes when I’m uncomfortable… Keep ’em laughing and they’ll never know I used to always say…

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