So I’m walking through the office today, and what do I see? Ooh! Someone brought in a tray of cookies! I think I’ll have one… Wait, what the hell? Why would… DAMN IT!
I get to the tray and there before me as plain as day is the most vile, disgusting, and completely intolerable facets of life as I know it.
A half cookie.
You know you’ve seen it, cookies, muffins, bagels, any food in general that is laid out for public consumption. Hell, I’ve even seen it happen with one of those French curved dough things I can’t spell.
How hard is it to just eat the whole thing? Eating half of it doesn’t mean that your ass will only grow half as wide, that extra bit of caloric intake won’t make a difference in the grand scheme of your life! All it does is guarantee that the cookie, the bagel, the muffin, will sit there while its little cookie bagel and muffin friends MEET THEIR PURPOSE IN THIS LIFE AND ARE CONSUMED.
Those halfies just sit, get stale, and aren’t eaten. Failures. Tell me you’ve never seen that little snack frowning at you and wondered where all those little halfies go!
Be kind. Be fair. Let that little baked confection or breakfast food go off to its next life with pride, that it served its purpose.
JUST PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH AND SWALLOW.