3 Simple rules for surviving a traffic jam…

So today I’m heading back to Rockland from Westchester, and the Thruway is completely bumper to bumper.  I hop back off to 119 thinking I might either get around it or just head up to the Bear Mountain bridge.  Long story short, I ended up stuck on the bridge.

Rule 1 of a traffic jam – be courteous.  Merging on, I made eye contact with a Mercedes driver, pointed in front of him, and he nodded to let me in.

So I flip over to 530am and pick up that a tractor trailer (ended up being a flatbed) was disabled on the bridge and as a result the 2 right lanes were shut down.  So I move my way to the left and settle on the center-left lane.  To my left is a total jackass in a green Chevy van with Jersey plates…  He’s impatient.  He can’t believe that this entire traffic jam is keeping HIM from where he should be.

Rule 2 of a traffic jam – be patient.  I was fine with this guy on the left of me.  I did my normal thing, I let a buffer of a few car-lengths build in front of me and then just rolled forward at idle.  Well this guy saw the opportunity and lurched into me.  No turn signal.  No mirror checking until we nearly had the mating of superior German engineering with a piece of shit minivan from Jersey.  I get past, and he’s behind me now.

I continue patiently going with the flow of traffic as he floors it and slams on the brakes behind me, flailing his hands and shouting.  Same thing he was doing behind the Mustang in the left lane.  I wait for an opportunity, and get left.  He floors it and slams on the brakes behind another car.  I pass him on the left, and when traffic again stops – glare right at him.  He looks at me and I just motion “bring it.”  Head locks forward, and he ceases his previous activity immediately.

Queue stereotypical statement about crazies and guns – I’m covered.  Next topic.

Turns out the tractor trailer was a diesel flatbed, and it ended up being towed off the bridge with the brakes applied enough to have the rear axles smoking as it left the span.  Traffic cleared, c’est la vie.

Rule 3 – Just stick to your route.  Pick a lane and stay, pick a route and stay.  Any shortcut is bound to have more delays, it’s Murphy’s law after all.  I pull off the Thruway as I saw northbound stalled again due to construction.  No more than 5 minutes later I’m stopped again.  Some idiot managed to spin their car into the median and WRAP it around a tree.

I really loathe driving out that way.  Too many retards.

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